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The Stages of Being Alone

When you first get divorced you go through the stages of grief. You are mourning a loss, even if you initiated that divorce or were in an abusive relationship, it’s still a loss. Under the pain of the divorce lies all your hopes and dreams, that is what you are mourning, what could have been. One of the first things you have to come to terms with when you divorce is being alone. When your children are with you it may seem that you never have a moment to yourself, but this is a different type of loneliness. Initially you … Continue reading →

Helping Your Child Through the Stages of Grief

When going through a divorce emotions are running high for everyone, especially the children. They are dealing with the loss in much the same way they would if there had been a death. They are grieving what once was. They had no say in this decision, yet it effects their lives dramatically. Some children take longer to go through the grieving process than others. But if you are there helping them and guiding them through this process it will help them get to the acceptance stage much more quickly. Denial: No child wants to believe that his parents are splitting … Continue reading →

When Someone Very Special Dies: Children Can Learn to Cope with Grief

When someone passes away and goes home to heaven, it is difficult for adults. Can you imagine how it feels to a child who understands “why” even less than an adult does? Children deal with loss a bit differently than an adult does. It is necessary to help them through the grieving process as much as possible. When Someone Very Special Dies: Children Can Learn to Cope with Grief by Marge Heegard is an amazing book where children are presented with a situation or a statement regarding their loss. On each page a statement is made similar to, “this is … Continue reading →

Stages of Grief-Denial

The five stages of grief was made popular by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross In her book “On Death and Dying”, published in 1969. She presented 5 stages terminally ill persons may go through upon learning of their illness. It is now widely accepted that people can go through these stages of grief during other difficult times such as the death of a spouse, and divorce. Over the next few posts I will describe each of these stages from both a child and adult perspective along with potentially beneficial ways to work through that particular stage. These stages are not always experienced in … Continue reading →

Birth Parents (Part 3) Loss and Grief

When birthparents are dealing with the loss and grief of having surrendered their baby for adoption, some feelings may be expressed as denial. Denial is a shield from the pain of the loss. As birthparents move on in the process of grieving they may soon face feelings of sorrow and depression as the loss becomes more real. Anger and guilt may follow, and it is common for birthparents express their anger at those who helped with the adoption placement. Placing a baby for adoption may bring out other feelings of loss, and add to the grief. No one ever dreams … Continue reading →

Raising an Adopted Child #5 Ages 8-12 Grieving and Self-Esteem

Self-esteem is an important factor in the developing school-age child. Self-esteem is a child’s overall judgment of themselves. Good self-esteem is important for all children and influences self-confidence, creativity, and motivation. Healthy self-esteem gives a child pleasure in being who they are and who they can become. Self-esteem over shadows academic capability, physical beauty, opportunity and social skills. All children need to feel successful in all areas of development, academic, social, and emotional. For adopted children he or she must also incorporate their adoption or foster care status into their view of themselves. Some studies actually show that the self … Continue reading →

Tips for Coping After Losing Your Spouse

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Losing a loved one can be very traumatic, especially when the person who has passed away was your spouse. Grief is something that you cannot rush or outsource, and it will take as long as it needs to. Here are some tips for coping after losing your spouse. Five Stages of Grief People who have lost a spouse are going to be feeling a flood of emotions. You might find some comfort in knowing that what you are experiencing is something that all humans go through. Let yourself feel whatever emotion it is you are feeling, and realize that this … Continue reading →

I’m Not Ready to Share

One of the benefits of being a single parent is that you get a lot of one on one time with your child. You develop an even deeper bond with them because you are depending on each other to pull you through the hard times. It’s been almost a year now since my ex husband and I got divorced and I have gotten rather used to having this one on one time with my son. Life is always busy, running this way and that, but at least we are together. When I started dating again I never anticipated how uncomfortable … Continue reading →

Too Attached

Break ups are never easy, even if you know it is right. There are still emotional ties to that person for not only you, but for your children as well. In many ways it can feel like going through a divorce all over again. It is normal for you and your children to feel many of the same feelings of grief and abandonment that you did when you first got divorced. It can be discouraging for you and devastating for your children. Children form attachments quickly and easily. If you begin dating someone be aware of the relationship your children … Continue reading →

11 Tips for Helping a Grieving Spouse

If someone your spouse loves, like a parent or close friend, dies, how can you help them? Here are some tips. 1. Remember how you felt if you were in a similar position but don’t expect necessarily that your spouse will react the same way you did in grief. 2. Show your love for your grieving spouse, even if you don’t know what to say or you’re frightened of getting upset or upsetting them more. Just be there for them. It doesn’t matter if you get upset. It might even help. 3. Let your spouse talk about their loved one. … Continue reading →